Resident Evil: Famous Last Words
by Lucifers Magnum
Summary: this is my first fanfic, a shameless selfinsert involving humor, horror, retards, a piss scared Wesker, a Tyrant in daipers, Battle of the bands and a zombie mosh pit.
1. Chapter 1

**Resident Evil: Famous Last Words**

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Resident Evil; that's all Capcoms. I do not own my friends who are being portrayed in this fic and finally I have not copied anything off of xClaireBearx's story: "Stay Alive." Some similarities may occur but she has been nothing more than motivation to actually write this story, this is mine and my brothers work.

Chapter 1: Fatal Error

We all know how a good story starts right? Once upon a time and all that jazz? Well for the story this Once upon a time opens it's going to be a bit different to what you might think. Perhaps I should introduce myself, my name's Dominic or Dom as I'm usually called by friends, I'm about 5ft 9", brown hair, blue- green eyes (they sort of change in the light) and an attitude that is typical of most rock musicians. Sitting on my right; that's my brother Oscar: he's 5ft 10" brown hair also but he's starting to get a mullet, not to mention his hair earned him the nickname "Harry Potter" as it goes everywhere. He's got turquoise eyes and is a bit anti-social but good natured and knows how to look after himself and others.

Finally behind me is our friend Paul who has dirty blonde hair cut to a normal length, blue-grey eyes and tends to goof off more than get serious, he's a major gun nut but not a geek and also tends to be sarcastic…and fail spectacularly. Anyway this particular day Paul is visiting us, my parents are out and we're sitting in the office, Oscar's reading the Zombie survival guide I lent him, Paul's surfing the internet and me? I'm playing my all time favourite game: Resident Evil 0. now this is both a good and bad thing as our Gamecube has been temperamental to say the least for the last few months, often not reading the disks at all, still I've had it working for two and a half hours now and got from the start of the game to the final boss (yes I AM that good) and quite foolishly haven't saved once.

You can all tell what's going to happen now can't you?

The Cutscene played, Billy grabbed the Magnum, turned and…

ERROR THE GAME DISK CANNOT BE READ I had dealt with this before. All I needed to do was pop the lid, clean the disk and….

TOUCH THAT BUTTON AND I'LL CHEW YOUR KNUCKLES OFF

WTF!!? THAT never happened before, turning I tapped Paul on the shoulder

"uhh…Paul? The Gamecube wants to eat me," I whimpered

"What are you talking about?" he asked, turning round to face me. I simply pointed at the TV screen where the message was still showing in all its glory. He let out a sharp laugh and kicked Oscar who looked up from my book without interest. Paul motioned towards the TV…

"Dude…poke it…" I said from over his shoulder.

Now Paul, being the retard that he is took it one step further. He picked up the Gamecube and head-butted it.

TRY THAT AGAIN AND YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HELL

"Clearly it's never been to an all boys school," I muttered in my brothers' ear. He laughed quietly, not wanting to hurt the Gamecube's feelings, as it was clearly insecure. Paul on the other hand head-butted it again.

FATAL ERROR: WARNED YOU

"You Cock," I managed to sigh in Paul's general direction as a blinding white light encompassed the room. After that, the world went black.

(A/N: This chapter is essentially a prologue. My first story so any advice welcome but if you flame me then I will abuse you from a distance. Co-written by my brother: Quardian Angel.)


	2. Chapter 2

**Resident Evil: Famous Last Words**

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Resident Evil; that's all Capcoms. I do not own my friends who are being portrayed in this fic and finally I have not copied anything off of xClaireBearx's story: "Stay Alive." Some similarities may occur but she has been nothing more than motivation to actually write this story, this is mine and my brothers work

Chapter 2: Insanity Ensues

Coincidence is a funny thing isn't it? When you think about something and it magically happens just minutes, or even seconds, later. The way things seem to come together out of the blue. It all seems too convenient, but we accept it because in truth, without coincidence we'd be lost. We rely on it subconsciously to stop life from getting to us.

I slowly opened my eyes, exhaustion swept over me in a wave, causing my every muscle to ache. It was like they were all trying to force themselves out of my body, regardless of the consequences. It took me a few moments to regain control of my senses, although when I had I noticed something. I was moving. Fast. Still lying in my position, I looked to my right. Trees were everywhere, the same on the left but what was more surprising than the sudden change from a house on the south-east coast of England to a dark forest was the fact that I appeared to be lying on top of…a car. No wait…I was lying on top of a car.

"Oh this can't be happening," I groaned. It made no sense. How was I lying on the roof of car, why was I in the middle of a forest…what happened to my Gamecube? I put those thoughts aside for the time being and examined the car. It was Olive green; probably military and moving just slow enough for me to stay on top of it. I'd need to wait for it to stop before I could figure out what was happening. I took a moment to look down at myself. I was wearing steel toe-capped boots and baggy, black jeans with a studded belt loosely draped through the loops. My torso was covered by a simple black t-shirt with 'don't make me bite you' emblazoned across it in white lettering and on top of that was a black, leather jacket.

I lay still for a minute longer before the car lurched to a stop. Curious, I sat up and looked around spying a figure standing in the headlights. It was staring at the floor until a voice from the car made it turn around. I couldn't hear what was said, I guess my ears weren't quite working yet, but the figure, I could see it was a man now standing at around 5'8", turned round and began to amble towards the car. When I looked at its features I had to close my eyes to stop any bile from forcing its way out of my mouth. The "man's" face was a pale shade grey and had a chunk of its jaw hanging limply by its neck and a hole in its chest as big as a fist, which was clearly not fresh. Blood dripped from all over its body and chunks were missing from various places. That wasn't the worst of it though. The worst was the smell, followed by the taste it left in the air. It was repulsive, like a dead animal in a blender but with three times as much blood and some vomit, for good measure. A large, Ginger mullet topped it all off. That was of course what almost made me throw up, the ginger-ness of it all. Now of course was the time that whoever was driving decided to speed off, hitting the "man" on the way which sent him flying…into me. Right now, the only way for my situation to get much worse would have been for the ginger "thing" to start singing something by the beach boys or something equally demeaning. The "thing" will now be referred to as Bob. Now when Bob came flying into me the first thing to run through my mind was 'how the fuck do I get this thing away from me?' actually, I lie, the first thing I thought was 'ewww ginger' then I thought 'how the fuck do I get this thing away from me?'

A grin spread across my face as an idea struck me. Bob looked like a zombie and therefore he was a fan of 'The Zombies'. It followed the laws of coincidence to believe so and therefore it would work if I…

"It's the tiiime, Of the season

When blood runs hiiigh," I sang out loudly as Bob clambered to his feet, which is an impressive sight on a moving vehicle, and began to dance slowly,

"In this tiiime, give it to me easy,

And let me try with pleasured hands,

To take you and the sun to the Promised Land,

To show you everyone," I continued on into the chorus. At this exact point in time, a coincidental low branch took out the dancing Bob's legs, sending him flying towards the windscreen in a somersault that any B-boy would be proud of, and impaling the roof of his mouth on the windscreen wipers. Looking down at Bob I noticed the driver activate the windscreen wipers and dragging his body across the hood. I smirked at the sight and finished my chorus,

"It's the time of the seeeason for loviiing,"

Unfortunately for me, this provided more than enough of an excuse for my 'talented driver' to perform an applause worthy emergency stop, involving a tree stump, handbrake and a shit-load of air. I threw myself away from the spinning vehicle and slammed into a thick-trunked tree, then dropped to the floor with an audible thump. Carefully, I climbed to my feet and stumbled towards the wreck of a car. They did one hell of a job of craning it. It was upside down and completely crushed. I dropped to my stomach and looked inside. There were two military police officers. Both were dead so they probably wouldn't mind if I borrowed one of their handguns and their ammo. I grabbed the drivers holster and pulled it off his belt, attaching it to my own. Inside was a handgun and spare clip of 15 rounds. The back of the car was empty so I got back up to my feet and looked around. To my surprise, I was not alone. There was a figure standing next to me. I span round and looked at him. He was wearing a grey wifebeater and a pair of blue jeans. From his wrist dangled a pair of handcuffs and an elaborate tattoo on his arm read 'Mother Love'. His brown hair was slicked back and his midnight blue eyes showed fear. However, what was more surprising was that I recognised this man. His name was Billy Coen, the most awesome Resident Evil character in existence.

"Billy Coen?" I asked in shock

"Who are you?" he asked, not showing any acknowledgement of what I said.

"Me? My name's Dom, and I have no intention of staying here. You'd be wise to pick up that other guys gun if you wanna make it out of here,"

Billy looked down at gun he had already picked up. Guess he has some sense then… good.

"What are you doing here?" he asked "and how do you know my name?"

I sighed and looked at him, " I don't have a clue how I got here and to your second question, I dunno, I guessed,"

He arched an eyebrow at me, "lucky guess,"

"Look does it really matter? I'll tell you more when we get out of this forest," I said, avoiding the real answer.

"Who said I was going anywhere with you?" he replied

"Those dogs did," I yelled as a dog with a gaping wound in its side burst through a hedge. I took off in the general direction of the train, Billy in close pursuit.

"Where are we going?" he yelled at me

"Forwards!" I screamed back as he overtook me. Shit the dogs were gonna catch up with me if I didn't speed up or unless I got a ride…

"Billy, run! And don't stop!" I yelled as I sprinted towards him and took a flying leap, landing on his back and clasping my hands together over his shoulders. He took the impact well and kept running until we burst into a clearing.

"Up ahead, there's a train!" I yelled in his ear. We couldn't see it but it was just past a few more trees, I was sure. And clearly I was right as we reached the door.

"It's a sliding door!" I yelled out as we approached at high speed and threw the door to the side. I slid off his back, pushed Billy through the door and hopped inside, closing it as the dogs got closer.

"You ok?" I asked him as he struggled to regain his breath,

"Oh yeah just fine," he said glaring at me. I flashed a grin in his direction and sat down to get a break.

**Oscar's P.O.V.**

You know that feeling you get when you've stuck your tongue in an electrical socket while blindingly piss drunk and being beaten over the head with an iron dumb-bell? That's how I was feeling when I woke up

"ooowwwww…" a chorus of guns being cocked welcomed me to the land of the living "…shit." My bleary eyesight gave way to a sharp image of 4 uniformed men and what appeared to be a teenage girl pointing various weaponry at me; ranging from handguns to an entry shotgun.

Needless to say this was not a preferred way to wake up.

Roughly, I was pulled to my feet and shoved into a seat by a thick set man who looked capable of wrestling a bear, evidently all of them were highly confused as to how the hell I ended up on…a CHOPPER!? "HOW THE FUCK DID I GET UP HERE FROM MY ROOM!?" was my first thought and simultaneously screamed sentence causing my assailant to wince due to the fact that; while screaming was pretty much the only way to be heard on board; I was still facing his ear.

"That's something we were going to ask you," he replied with an exasperated sigh and annoyed glare "unfortunately we'll be landing in a minute so I'll question you then." My reply to this was a raised eyebrow and a glance round the cabin, the four men I could not place at all but something was nagging me about the girl…

Coincidence struck again at this point, as my eyes widened upon recognition a random zombie dog howled to the moon and the tail of the helicopter exploded.

3 minutes later I was stumbling from the burning wreckage among the now recognisable S.T.A.R.S. members as they dragged equipment from the wrecked transport, it was then that I said the thing I had wanted to when I recognised 'Becca

"Fother of a Mucker, Dom was right, you DO look better in that basketball outfit," a resounding slap, coupled with a blush that would make a baboon jealous was her response. Captain what's-his-name ignored me for the moment in favour of setting up a perimeter and treating Edward for a slight whiplash due to the crash. I took this time to suddenly realize I had a change of wardrobe, from jeans and a T-shirt I went to wearing blue cargo pants, a white muscle shirt and a brown bomber jacket with black fingerless gloves. The final two additions to my wardrobe were the steel rimmed boots on my feet, which my cargo's were bandaged to, and a pair of contact lenses, at least as far as I could tell considering I could see perfectly and wasn't wearing my glasses.

The captain assigned some guy by the name of Dooley to watch over me and the chopper while the rest went on ahead to try and salvage their mission objective. Rebecca took one last look at me while she was leaving, her face still slightly red, I sighed in despair, I may not like Resident Evil but it doesn't take a genius to work out the one left behind was gonna die.

"Right, well I'd like to be civil: what's your name? Where ya from? And all that but honestly I'm more concerned how you got on my chopper while 200 feet in the air," He asked after a moments silence, with a slight scowl but more sheer confusion. I shrugged

"How am I supposed to know? In case you'd forgotten I was unconscious at the time," Dooley had the decency to look sheepish but pressed on

"well what happened to you before it?" I shrugged again,

"I was reading a book while my brother was playing a game and suddenly he starts complaining and my friend is tapping me on the shoulder, so I looked up, there's a threatening message on the screen and so my friend decides he's going to nut the…playstation, there's a fatal error…a flash of light…cock and then I woke up with you lot pointing guns at me, really quite awkward when you're only half awake, your brains coming up with odd things and the last thing you remember is cock," I finished.

I spent those minutes he was looking away; quietly palming 2 boxes of handgun rounds, a pack of shotgun shells, two S.T.A.R.S. utility belts and a few packets of roll ups, which had the words FOR HERBS ONLY on the packet. The utility belts contained two clips of handgun bullets in holsters, an ordinary combat knife, radio, LED flashlight, handcuffs, first aid spray and a seven slot for shotgun shells already full. Both also had a holster for a gun but only one actually had a gun.

"I don't really know why but I have to ask, what were you reading?" Dooley asked with an odd look, at this point I realised that 'The zombie survival guide' was safely in my pocket, so, grinning I pulled it out and showed him.

"The zombie survival guide? Huh, weird" he said. I shrugged for a third and final time, putting the book back in my pocket and pulling my jacket sleeve up to look at my watch,

"yeah well I'd lend it to you but for two reasons, the first I'm gonna need it and the second you will see in…6…5…4…3," I was cut off by a growling and bloodcurdling scream.

"AAAAAGGHHHHHH!!!" Dooley screamed as he was tackled to the ground, his custom S.T.A.R.S. Beretta knocked from his hand and his throat ripped out by a particularly hungry Cerberus.

"whoops my timings a bit off… what the fuck am I saying!?" I ran, kicking a Cerberus in my path whilst grabbing the gun still in the air and spectacularly…

Fucking up and tripping down a steep incline, coming to a painful rest at the bottom before running again, thankful no-one was watching, well at least I got the gun, and kicked the puppy, that was a bonus, the growling and barking following me wasn't. ignoring everything I ran, unknowingly running past the jeep my brother had taken an unscheduled ride on, past the fanned out S.T.A.R.S. Bravo team and up to 'Becca. The look on her face as I ran past was pure surprise, which rapidly changed to terror when she looked back and saw the approaching Cerberus pooch, after that she was running just as fast as I was. A large silhouette loomed out of the shadows as we approached, taking the form of a train, all rational fact was currently being unprocessed in my mind, if it was I would have climbed a tree and STAYED there but no I had to run into the blindingly obviously abandoned and doomed train where my life would be put in further danger, it's logic. Unfortunately Rebecca's Logic extended to having once solved a Rubix cube in third grade, so obviously she followed me. I slammed the door open, climbed in, dragged 'Becca up with little difficulty and proceeded to slam the door, quite comically a Cerberus crashed, face first against it, of course being made of rotten flesh, it's jaw split in two and spread out across the window pane while it's muzzle crumpled in on itself from the force, it's tongue lolling about turning the image from comical to disgusting before it slowly slid off.

'Becca breathed a slow sigh of relief, taking a step back and tripping over a Rubix cube. Instead of taking the divine warning she instead pocketed it and vowed to solve this one as well. Slowly she turned round to view the compartment we were in.

**They were parted by an unescapable destiny.**

**Leon: Ummm…Mr. Narrator? Wrong game.**

**Mr. Narrator: Oh dude, seriously?**

**Leon: Yeah**

**Mr. Narrator: Shit**

**Dom: You Cock….**

A/N: alright second chapter is up and i will hopefully update soon, however i do have exams next week so sorry if it takes a little longer. Anyway that's that and please review!


	3. Chapter 3

**Resident Evil: Famous Last Words**

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Resident Evil; that's all Capcoms. I do not own my friends who are being portrayed in this fic and finally I have not copied anything off of xClaireBearx's story: "Stay Alive." Some similarities may occur but she has been nothing more than motivation to actually write this story, this is mine and my brothers work.

Chapter 3: Chaos Follows 

**Dom's P.O.V**

Billy pulled me to my feet and we set off to explore the train. We were by the stairs next to the open window that you needed the hookshot to get out of. I could feel Billy was uncomfortable and there was an awkward silence between us. Definitely something that needs to be remedied I thought as I sat on the third step.

"So…" I started, looking towards Billy from my seat. He turned to look at me, waiting for me to say something.

"You play any instruments?" I asked, spouting the first thing that came to mind.

He raised an eyebrow,

"Is that the best you have?" he asked

"Whaddya mean?" I replied

"I mean; I was on my way to hell in that car and you pop up out of no-where, the car flips over, we have to run from some freaky puppies and you decide that it's a good time for a piggy back! How did you know this train was here any ways, why don't you tell me how you really got here and what the hell kind of question is 'do you play any instruments?' at a time like this?" he responded almost angrily. I looked at him blankly, trying to find words.

"I already told you I honestly don't know how I got here. I woke up on the roof of that car and shortly afterwards, some ginger freak is clawing at my face. I get him to dance by singing 'Time of the Seasons' and he gets impaled on the windscreen wipers, which then causes the car to crash. I got the piggy back from you because I wasn't in the mood to have an asthma attack while running away from puppies that sleep in paper shredders, and WHEN THE HELL IS IT NOT A GOOD TIME FOR MUSIC!?" I yelled back at him. We both tried to keep a straight face Billy couldn't manage it.

"Ha! You suck! I kick your ass at looking serious!" I said with a grin. He smiled and said,

"Ok, fine. You seriously got a ginger dancing? …Kinda garish thought. And I play piano, for the record." I nodded,

"Wait until you see it in person…" I muttered, shuddering at the memory.

"So what about you? You play anything?" Billy asked

"Me? Yeah, I play bass guitar," I replied proudly. He smiled,

"You in a…" He started as a door to our left slid open to allow someone into our carriage. I leapt to my feet and shoved Billy up the stairs, cutting him off, mid-sentence.

"Wha…" started Billy

"You'll see in a second now get your ass up those stairs!" I whispered urgently. He nodded and ran up them with me in close pursuit.

**Oscar's P.O.V.**

Rebecca and I stared at each other in an uncomfortable silence, 'Becca because she didn't know exactly what to do with a person who magically appeared on a chopper several hundred feet in the air and me because, well…

I'm standing on a train, which I KNOW for a fact only exists in a game, a game series I will not play by the way, I have no shame in admitting that zombies scare me shitless and I am currently in a scene, which is straight out of a game that revolves around them. Finally 'Becca decided to break the silence

"So…who?" she started to question when we both a heard a muted voice coming from one of the seats, haphazard lighting flickered and lightning flashed outside as Rebecca slowly moved towards it. At this point I was desperately trying to remember what happens and sort my head out, I may not play R.E. but my brother does and I watch him quite often, I knew something was going to happen but…

Oh. That was it.

BLAM!

The noise of the gunshot terrified 'Becca causing her to jump from her crouched position over the squawking radio, the body of an overzealous zombie crashing down beside her, a hole the size of a pound coin drilled into its skull. She turned instantly to me, her gun in hand pointing at my chest shakily

"Why? W, Why did you just kill him?" she stuttered causing me to look at her with a face that just screamed incredulity.

"I'm sorry, what? You're saying I killed him? Honey that guy had a hole in his chest the size of my fist! Not to mention that his blood obviously ran dry ages ago. That points out, to me at least, that he was not moving towards you for a comforting hug!" Rebecca slowly looked down at the body beside her, he was right; the person was obviously long dead. A groan and variety of curses turned her attention back to the young man, in time to see two more desecrated corpses ambling towards them, before both gunners put a bullet in their mangled heads respectively.

I sighed slumping against the chair I was next to, my body slightly shaking as the gun slipped from my grip, landing with a clunk on the polished wood floor. There was no denying it, that was real, I could feel the fear rolling off me and Rebecca in waves, God I just killed! Sure the zombies were technically already dead and I suppose I was doing them a favour but…

And fuck! Those were ZOMBIES! The living dead, reanimated corpses, and among the various other names for them: MY WORST NIGHTMARE! Well actually they weren't but if I went into detail about my worst nightmare anyone reading this would be traumatized, suffice to say that it involved the teletubies, barney and numerous other 3 year old shows, a roll of duct tape, a chair, a lot of bright colours, and a strangely shaped pole, luckily I've never found out what that was used for as I was already awake and screaming by then. Anyway I'm getting sidetracked while 'Becca walked over to me, fear apparent in her eyes. I shook my head trying to clear it and ignore the whole WTF IS GOING ON!? Spinning around my mind. 'Deal with the here and now Oscar not the why.'

"You were going to ask my name right? It's Oscar, Oscar Craven," I said, a small smile playing over my lips as I thought about my apparent insanity. Rebecca nodded quietly, following my example and pushing the situation to the back of her mind,

"Right, I'm Rebecca Chambers, a member of S.T.A.R.S." she replied a small grin of her own showing. I bent down to retrieve the gun I had taken from 'Dooley. An ordinary S.T.A.R.S. Beretta with a high powered LED light on the underside of the barrel. 'Becca was looking at it with wide eyes and a sad face,

"Dogs," was the only thing I said, the only thing I needed to say as I slid the gun into the holster on my left hip.

I stepped past her, my back turned to her. "Come on 'Becca, lets sort out this train first before we try dealing with anything else." I couldn't see but I could tell that she nodded and followed, even started to lead when we got into the second car, where we just happened to meet more of the undead, joy. 6 minutes later, after having gone through nine zombies with only seven bullets, which was quite impressive, 'Becca took out two with one shot while I pulled a HUNK on another, dodging under its clumsy grab and around behind it, then twisting its neck sharply to the side with a very satisfying crunch. It's amazing then things one can do when they don't think about it.

It was also amazing to see such a large amount of carrots, as I haven't eaten any for a while, when I emptied my stomach afterwards. This would take some getting used to. Finally we made it to the end of a long corridor, turning out into a small corner by the door, in which there was a slumped over corpse holding a train key.

**Dom's P.O.V.**

Gunfire sounded throughout the train. It was Rebecca, I guessed that much from our situation, but it sounded like someone else was with her. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and turned to Billy,

"You were gonna ask me a question before we got upstairs?"

"Yeah, I was gonna ask if you were in a band," he replied

I grinned widely, "Hell yeah, and we've played 74 gigs so far,"

He smiled and looked towards the hallway. There was no way of getting through there yet, it was full of un-hatched leaches from the floor to waist height. I decided now would be the best time to go down and meet Rebecca because it was getting uncomfortable with all the slimy, bogey-like creatures lying dormant next to us.

"Come on, I don't wanna stay here any longer," I said to Billy

"Why?" he asked with an almost concerned look in his eye,

"Because those things look like something I sneezed out, now let's go!" I replied sharply. He rolled his eyes but climbed to his feet anyway. I checked my handgun and headed towards the stairs.

"Oh! Pick up that green herb," I reminded him on my way down. He quickly snatched it and threw it at the back of my head.

"What the FUCK, man? Not cool!" I half yelled, half whimpered at him.

"Yeah, well maybe you should stop trying to take charge of every situation," he retorted,

"Yeah, well maybe you should get some balls and I wouldn't have to. And besides, we both know you love it," I snapped back with a smirk. He rolled his eyes and stuffed the herb in his pocket,

"HA! I win again!" I cried out in victory, only to receive a slap to the back of my head.

"FUCK, man. It's always the head with you isn't it?" I whined, turning left at the bottom of the stairs, towards the place where Billy would first meet Rebecca.

As soon as we got through the door, a zombie rose to my right.

"ARGH! IT'S A TRANNY!!" I screamed in sheer horror as the re-animated corpse of a man wearing a tight fitting, perfectly preserved, pink S-Club 7 t-shirt and tight blue jeans, ambled towards me. I couldn't tell which was stronger, the urge to laugh or the urge to throw up. I couldn't help it…I collapsed to the floor in a fit of laughter. The approaching zombie stopped and looked at me, writhing on the ground in hysterics. I managed to push myself up onto my knees and pointed at it.

"Look, Look! They…. They put a little T-shirt on him!" I said between bursts of laughter. The zombie took a step back, tears in its eyes and let out a pitiful moan.

"No! No! It can't do that! I'll laugh too much," I said to Billy while trying to catch my breath. Billy rolled his eyes and put the zombie out of its misery by planting a bullet firmly between its gushing eyes.

"It's always the head with you…." I muttered as I stood up and picked up my handgun.

Trying to avoid eye contact with the corpse of the S-club fan, I led Billy towards the dining car key, and Rebecca, dispatching a zombie along the way with my handgun. We reached the door that would lead to our first encounter with Rebecca and I stopped,

"There's someone alive through that door you know…" I said to him

"How do you know that?" he asked me, looking at me like I was some sort of freak.

"…Psychic powers," I said calmly and stepped through the door. Billy followed with a raised eyebrow and overtook me towards the end of the hallway. He stepped out from behind the wall and turned to his left to face Rebecca. She stood up and turned around just as I rounded the corner.

"Billy…Lieutenant Coen," she stated, looking at Billy

"OSCAR!!!! OMG!!!!!" I yelled at my brother, who was standing to Rebecca's left, She looked at me, then back at Billy, who replied,

"So…you seem to know me…been fantasizing about me have you?"

"Dream on dude…" I muttered loudly enough for him to hear, earning me a slap to the head. He rolled his eyes and waited for Rebecca to say something clever.

"You're the prisoner that was being transferred for execution. You were with those soldiers outside," She continued, looking at Billy's handgun.

"So when did you get here?" I asked Oscar, ignoring Billy and Rebecca's conversation entirely.

"Umm…I arrived on the S.T.A.R.S. chopper…" he informed me. He never was much of a talker.

"Well…I was on top of the MP car, and I made a ginger zombie dance!" I told him with a grin stretched across my face. While I was busy relaying my spectacular exploits so far to my brother, Billy continued his own conversation.

"Oh, I see. You're with S.T.A.R.S. Well, no offense honey but your kind doesn't seem to want me around," he said while holstering his gun, "So I'm afraid our little chat time is over," he finished and turned to leave. Rebecca followed him,

"Wait! You're under arrest!" she called after him. Billy turned to look at her,

"No thanks doll face, I've already worn handcuffs," he raised his arm to show her the 'cuffs jammed to his wrist, and then walked off.

"I could shoot, you know," she called down the hall to him

"Yeah…but he could have shot you," I pointed out helpfully from behind her. She span round with a look of anger in her eyes.

"Hi…I'm Oscar's brother, oh and go easy on Billy, he'll save your ass more times than you'll be able to count before we get out of here," I said cheerfully. She glared at me for a second but shook it off,

"I'm Rebecca Chambers, what did you say your name was?" she asked,

"I didn't but seeing as you're so interested, I'm Dom…you won't forget that will you?" I asked with a wink as I walked off.

"Where are you going!?" Oscar yelled after me.

"For a walk," I said calmly, looking at the key I had stolen out of Rebecca's pocket.

The dining car huh? I grinned as I walked down the hall…at least, until a Cerberus with it's jaw split in half, crashed through the window and landed on me.

"FUCK!" I yelled as I hit the ground. The pitiful creature tried, hopelessly to bite me, but with half of its jaw hanging off at the side, it was quite difficult. Why did all the comical ones attack me? I wondered as I lost control of my body to another fit of laughter. The Cerberus backed off, its jaw flopping pointlessly as it moved. I sat up and looked at it,

"SIT YOU RETARDED PUPPY!" I yelled at it. It sat. My body convulsed in laughter as the creature cocked its head at me.

"Good boy, run along and piss off my brother now" I said when I managed to get my breath back and stand up. It didn't move so I kicked its half a jaw across the hallway. It whimpered pathetically at me.

"SCRAM!" I yelled at it. It wouldn't move.

"Fine! Stay there!" I yelled at it and stormed off. The dog climbed to its feet and followed me.

"NO!" I yelled as I shot it in the head. "Bad puppy," I whispered as it hit the floor with a satisfying squelch. As I left the room I heard Edward burst through the window.

As I walked through the train I looked for Billy. He had performed his magic disappearing act and I probably wouldn't see him until I got to the dining car. Oh well…that's video game characters for you. Inconsiderate. I dispatched another three zombies with quick headshots as I walked past them. As I approached the door to the dining car, I turned around to see Rebecca charging down the carriage towards me. Oh shit. I ran into the door and forced the key into the lock, turned it sharply and stepped through.

"SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!" I yelled as I looked for somewhere to hide. She was undoubtedly pissed that I stole her key. UPSTAIRS! I screamed in my mind as I sprinted up the stairs towards the first leech man, just as Rebecca got through the door.

"Get your ass back here you thieving bastard!" she screamed up the stairs at me.

"No chance in hell!" I yelled back, cowering as she through a potted plant at me from the table at the bottom of the stairs.

"Nice throw but you still suck!" I taunted as she ran up the stairs. SHIT! Angry women are never forgiving in their punishments. I turned and ran towards the leech man, spotting for the first time another figure.

"Paul?" I asked, Rebecca ran at me but I stuck my hand out and caught her shoulder, gripping tightly to stop her moving.

"Not now," I said quietly as I released her shoulder and walked to Paul's side. In his hand was a bottle of Malibu, his favourite drink of all time.

"…Oh yeah you've gotta love the Apache Longbow, I mean it's one of the best made choppers of all time," he droned on at the leech man who quickly clambered to his feet and ran to me in tears.

"What is it? What's wrong with you?" I asked. It pointed at Paul,

"He won't shut up! He's been at this for an hour…make it stop! Look! Here's the sweet spot!" it said indicating its temple. Oh…I forgot why Paul wasn't allowed out on his own anymore…poor leech man, no one deserves a death like that, talked to insanity and shot out of mercy. I placed my handgun to its temple and fired. The leeches separated and slithered towards Rebecca.

"WTF?" I asked loudly as they engulfed her. I fired a round at the same second that Billy came up the stairs and shot two more of the leeches off of Rebecca. Two of them launched themselves through the air at Billy, who dived to the side and shot one but I stole the second kill just before he had a chance to squeeze off another round.

"DAMN YOU!" he yelled at me in mock anger.

"Paul…" I said, ignoring Billy and shaking my friends shoulder. His breath stank of alcohol.

"How much have you had?" I asked, grabbing the bottle out of his hand and taking a swig.

"Not much…" he drawled. As I looked under the table I found three empty bottles.

"Paul. There's half a bottle in my hand and three under the table. That's three and a half litres of Caribbean white rum and coconut. Do you honestly believe that that isn't much?" I pointed out. He wasn't listening; he was playing with a pepper pot. I rolled my eyes,

"Rebecca, can you sober him up?" I asked her, she was still standing there shaking.

"You ok?" Billy asked, poking her in the cheek. She jumped and looked around the room wildly,

"So…can you sober him up or not?" I asked her

"Umm…yeah just give me a second," she replied, reaching into her First Aid Kit for a blue herb.

"Alcohol is a poison you see, and blue herbs serve as a universal anti-venom, so theoretically this should get the alcohol out of his system," she explained as she fished around in her Kit a little longer, coming out with what looked like cigarette papers.

"Rollies?" I asked her, she grinned as she ground up the blue herb and laid out the powder evenly in the paper, rolling it neatly and putting it in Paul's mouth.

"Now Paul, I need you to smoke this for me ok?" she asked him whilst fishing his lighter out of his pocket and lighting the VERY special roll-up. Paul took a long drag, his pupils shrinking into almost nothingness for a brief period of time. When they returned to normal, 6 seconds later, he was as sober as…a sober person…

"Got any more of that stuff?" he asked with a cheerful grin,

"Piss head," I muttered as my brother ran up the stairs.

"What'd I miss?" he asked loudly, as he took in the scene in front of him, a slimy, fatigued Rebecca, an annoyed Billy, a sarcastic-as-hell brother and his friend Paul grinning like the cat that just ate the canary and his immediate family. Two obvious emotions showed on Oscar's face as he stared at his friend with a roll up in his mouth, one was confusion the other was sheer bloody righteous fury. He marched past the three bystanders and punched his 'friend' in the jaw knocking him to the ground, standing over the downed, unhappily sober teenager he growled out in a menacing voice,

"I want to know just one thing from you Paul: 1. What in the name of fuck possessed you to do something as stupid as…what you did?" Paul looked up with a hopeful look

"Uh…spontaneity?" he offered with a sheepish grin, finally realising just where he was, the surprise and horror could come later, if it came at all considering how hammered Paul could get at times. Oscar just sighed and pulled a folded up white utility belt from one of his larger pockets, detaching the radio and flashlight from it while leaving the waist light; and tossing them to me before handing the belt, complete with gun to Paul. I nodded to my brother and attached the radio and flashlight to my own belt.

"Paul, remember, aim for the head," I reminded him.

Billy looked out of the window, a man stood on top of a hill in the pouring rain wearing some sort of dress, singing loudly as the leeches swarmed towards him.

"Who is that guy?" Billy asked

"Cross-dresser," I stated simply as the train started,

"What's going on? Who's controlling the train?" Rebecca asked,

"Rebecca, go and check out the first engine car," Billy instructed "Listen!" he called after her as she ran to accomplish the task, "We gotta cooperate from now on, you got that?"

"Well I don't…" she started, only to be cut off by Billy,

"Clue in girl, or maybe you like being worm-bait!"

"Alright! But just remember, I will shoot you if you try anything funny!" she told Billy.

"Like this?" I asked as I kicked Billy into the bar and he toppled over the counter. Rebecca grimaced and turned away as Billy climbed to his feet,

"Take these with you," he called to her as he tossed a pack of 30 handgun rounds in her general direction. She grabbed them and turned to leave,

"If you find anything, gimme a call," he said

"Hey Bex! Wrong way!" I yelled at her and clambered out of the window on to the roof.

"SHIT IS IT RAINING HARD!" I yelled at her over the wind as she followed me onto the roof,

"HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING?" she yelled back,

"JUST TRUST ME!" I called to her as I made my way over the top of the carriages with Rebecca in pursuit. We skirted around the large hole at the back of the dining car and I indicated an exposed, broken cable.

"AFTER YOU!" I yelled to be heard. She smiled and edged past me, stopping as she reached the cable. As soon as she re-connected the broken cable, random liquid leeches from hell formed and leapt towards her,

"THE FUCK AM I LETTING YOU HIT THE GROUND FIRST!" I yelled as I dived in to the hole and turned over in mid-air, landing on my back with Rebecca landing on my stomach less than a second later. I lay there, quietly seething in pain,

"Ow," I said quietly. Rebecca climbed to her feet, allowing me to breathe,

"Why did you do that?" she asked me,

"Because you'd probably hurt yourself falling backwards into a hole like this and we wouldn't want that now, would we?" I said with a grin whilst struggling to my feet. She smiled and tried the door,

"We're locked in," she stated

"I know," I told her as I looked around the room. I quickly picked up the conductor's key, which I placed in the dumb-waiter, a green herb and a First aid spray, which I threw to Rebecca who put them in her first aid kit.

"Mind if I take these?" I asked her, indicating the two boxes of handgun ammo on the side.

"Go ahead," she said

"Do you have enough?" I asked her, almost concerned.

"Yeah I have about 60 rounds," she said reassuringly, I nodded and forced them into my pockets.

Rebecca looked around the room,

"So how do we get out of here?" she asked, trying to make conversation,

"Well, you could stick my head through the door…or you could wait until the others find an ice pick above the conductor's office and send it to us via the dumb-waiter in the kitchen," I answered her casually.

Looks like we were waiting then.

A/N: All right first I'd like to apologise for not updating for a while, I've had exams and stuff so yeah. Thanks to my reviewers, AzureRose15, Resident Kai and ddrman 06-07. I'll update again soon, hope you liked it! Oh and please R&R.


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